You’re the Worst Nurse Ever!

1. “You’re the Worst Nurse Ever!”

Technically, I’m not a nurse, but thank you for the promotion!

One feisty resident shouted this at me after I refused to bring her a Coca-Cola at 3 a.m. When I explained we couldn’t serve soda that late, she huffed, “Then what’s the point of living here?!”

The Denture Hunt

2. “My Teeth Are Under the Bed Somewhere.”

This gem came after a frantic search for dentures.

When I asked how they got there, the resident replied, “They wanted to go for a walk!” I spent 20 minutes crawling on the floor and laughing uncontrollably.

I’m Not Old, I’m Vintage!

3. “I’m Not Old, I’m Vintage!”

This came from a stylish resident who insisted her wheelchair matched her outfit.

When I asked if she needed help, she waved me off with, “Please, darling. I’m vintage, not helpless.”

The Shower Debate

4. “Who Needs a Shower? I Took One Last Month!”

Convincing some residents to shower can be a battle.

One resident proudly declared, “I don’t smell—only my enemies think I do!” I couldn’t argue with that logic.

The Hungry Resident

5. “If You Don’t Hurry, I’m Gonna Start Without You!”

This was yelled by a resident while waiting for her breakfast.

When I arrived with her tray, she added, “Took you long enough—I almost starved to death!” with a wink.

The Tech-Savvy Resident

6. “What’s the Wi-Fi Password?”

From a 90-year-old resident who didn’t own a phone or computer.

When I explained she didn’t need Wi-Fi, she replied, “Well, that’s no fun. How else will I tweet about you?”

Unsolicited Marriage Advice

7. “Are You Married? No? Good—Run While You Can!”

This unsolicited advice came during a casual chat.

The same resident also told me, “Men are like buses—miss one, and another will come along. But most of them are broken!”

Living for the Snacks

8. “I’m Just Here for the Snacks!”

When I asked one resident how she liked living in the nursing home, she shrugged and said, “The food’s good, so I’ll stay for now.”

What’s Your Name Again? Never Mind, I’ll Just Call You Sunshine!

9. “What’s Your Name Again? Never Mind, I’ll Just Call You Sunshine!”

One sweet resident couldn’t remember my name but decided “Sunshine” suited me just fine.

Every time I walked into her room, she’d say, “Oh good, Sunshine is here!”

Do You Ever Go Home?!

10. “Do You Ever Go Home?!”

This came from a resident who saw me on back-to-back shifts.

When I said, “Not really,” she replied, “Well, if you’re moving in, bring snacks!”

Blog Conclusion:

Patients often say the funniest things, and these moments are what keep us going through long shifts. Whether it’s unfiltered honesty or unexpected wit, the laughter they bring is priceless.

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