Meet DD: The Queen of Insults

Part 1: Meeting DD

The first time I met DD, she let me know exactly what I was in for. I walked into the women’s lockdown unit, trying to be polite, and said, “Hello.”

“F*** you, b****,” she snapped back without missing a beat.

Well, damn. It went from “hello” to a fight in under three seconds.

DD was a short, stubby black woman in her late 50s, with a tooth situation you couldn’t ignore. She was missing a front tooth, but the one big tooth she had left hung outside of her mouth like it was holding on for dear life. Every time she talked, spit flew out with each word. Before the pandemic’s six-foot rule, there was already a six-foot rule for DD.

She was housed on the women’s lockdown unit, and rightfully so. DD was crazy, and she deserved to be there. Over time, we built a relationship. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. She cussed me out daily, but her insults were so wild that they made me laugh. One day, she told me, “You ain’t nothing but a bull dagger trying to eat my p****.” I knew she was out of her mind, but I couldn’t help but laugh at her nonsense.

The Wig Accusation That Started It All!

The Wig Accusation

Now let’s talk about DD’s roommate—Wig Lady. Wig Lady was taller than DD, quiet, and unbothered most of the time. She looked like she had just walked out of a crackhouse, but she kept to herself. When she did talk, it was usually to herself, and even then, it was in a low whisper.

Wig Lady always wore the same wig. She went to bed with it, woke up with it, and that thing hadn’t been combed since I met her. Anytime I offered to comb it for her, she’d politely decline with a soft, “No, I’m alright, baby.”

One day, DD accused Wig Lady of stealing her wig.

“This b**** stole my wig!” DD shouted, her spit flying everywhere with every word.

Wig Lady, in her calm, quiet voice, replied, “I didn’t take your wig.”

But DD wasn’t letting it go. She started dragging Wig Lady’s entire existence, talking about her mama, her kids, her dog—things that might not have even existed. The way DD was going on, you’d think Wig Lady had personally ruined her life.

When Wig Lady Knocked Out DD!

The Fight

Before I could even blink, Wig Lady punched DD straight to the ground. And when I say she got on top of her and started swinging, I mean Wig Lady turned into Muhammad Ali.

DD was trying to talk her way out of it, but Wig Lady wasn’t having it. She was quiet, sure, but she had hands, and she was delivering them.

I stood there in shock while another resident whispered, “Ma’am, you have to break this up.”

I laughed nervously and said, “Sh**, I ain’t getting in that! You see how she’s doing DD? I don’t want no part of it.”

All Bark, No Bite: DD’s Defeat

Round Two

When Wig Lady finally let DD up, DD started running her mouth again.

“I’ll kill you, b****!” she shouted, spitting all over the place.

Wig Lady didn’t say a word. She just tackled DD again and started throwing more punches.

I stood there shaking my head and said, “DD, you gotta stop talking and swing! You can’t keep talking and not throwing hands!”

But DD didn’t stand a chance. Wig Lady had her pinned before DD could even finish her next sentence.

The Aftermath: DD’s Defeat

The Aftermath

When the fight was finally over, DD sat in her chair, muttering curses under her breath, her one big tooth sticking out as usual. Wig Lady calmly walked away, adjusting her wig like nothing had happened.

I looked at DD and said, “You’re all bark and no bite.”

She didn’t say anything, but the defeat was written all over her face.

Final Thoughts

DD was loud, mean, and crazy, but moments like this made working on the lockdown unit a little more bearable. I couldn’t believe how Wig Lady, the quietest person on the floor, had taken down DD not once, but twice.

This was a day I’d never forget—and a story worth sharing.

Watch My YouTube Channel for More CNA Tales!

Love this story? Stay tuned for a video about DD and her wild antics coming soon! In the meantime, check out my YouTube channel for hilarious and heartfelt stories about other residents and coworkers.
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